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The Maid or Matron of Honor, MOH for short, is equivalent to being a sidekick for a Superhero. This woman is singlehandedly the most important person to you during the wedding (except for your fiancé of course!) She’s the Robin to your Batman. The Rachel to your Monica. The French fries to your burger. Okay, I think we get the point.
Technically speaking, Maid of Honor is the term used for an unmarried woman filling this position and the Matron of Honor is the formal use of the word, saved for those already married housewives. The MOH is the bride’s right-hand woman for all of her dream day needs. From planning the bachelorette party, bridal shower, attending vendor meetings, helping to assemble creative DIY ceremony crafts and holding the bride’s tulle up as she tries to tinkle on that special day, the MOH holds quite a bit of importance.
As Spiderman’s Grandfather wisely quoted, “With great power comes great responsibility.” You want someone who has your back. I’m talking about your ride or die and partner in crime. She understands you on a different level than most, intuitively anticipating your needs. You both share a history together, and even the test of time couldn’t blow out the flame of your friendship.
We grow with the seasons so it’s important to pick a friend who has also grown with us. Not prophesying or anything, but it is possible to outgrow friendships. Just be sure to pick someone who has loved you for years, and will still love you for years to come. But don’t stress if this all seems like too much, that’s why I’m here! First things first, let’s take a look at the kaleidoscope group of friends you have, from all of your different stages in life.
Evaluate Your Ladies
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Do it like Beyoncé and get your ladies in formation. Always consider your girlfriend’s obligations outside of their wedding priorities surrounding you before making the big decision. That friend with two kids and a full-time job probably isn’t the best choice. Neither is that super fabulous (and flaky) friend who is always out and about traveling, adventuring the world.
Think stable, you can “call them in the middle of the night to help you hide a body” type of wing woman. She must be brave, resilient and strong-willed to handle a task such as this. This woman must be capable of taking the role seriously because let’s face it, your day depends on it! If you’re on the fence sometimes even creating a pros and cons list can be very helpful. When all is said and done, feelings will inevitably be hurt and feathers will most likely be ruffled. Not everyone can be a Matron of Honor, and that’s okay!
Just make sure to stress the importance of each role so every girl playing in the wedding feels valued. I personally think it’s a good idea to assign each bridesmaid a task (nothing too difficult or tedious) that they have the responsibility of being in charge of. That way each woman feels included, needed and like they are a part of the team (because they are of course!)
Always make sure to value each and every special woman part of your crew, as each of your ladies is unique, holding equally special quirky places in your heart. Spread the love and maybe handwrite a personal Thank You to your babes on the day of all the magic.
As much as people hate talking about it, finances need to be taken into consideration too. As mentioned above, the MOH is in charge of a handful of important pre-wedding events.
This does not necessarily mean she has to forgo the cost single-handedly for them, but that is something that needs to be discussed beforehand because money situations can get sensitive and you want to make sure to not step on any toes.
Carefully Consider Your Wedding Needs
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It’s important to determine your needs before decision time rolls around so that the woman for the job knows just what task she is about to be put up for. Because let’s face it, this day really is all about you in the end. So, figure out your specific needs, make a list (I love lists) and then after all is said and done see which of your candidates will be best able to help in fulfilling those needs.
1. What’s Your Wedding Day Vision
Every girl has it, whether we want to admit it or not, we have all been thinking about our weddings since playing with dolls. So what’s your vision?
How can this day be unforgettable? What will it take to make all those fairytale dreams come true?
Now that you have that image in your head, hold onto it and figure out what needs to happen so that it all runs smoothly. Think hard about what all you are needing from your prospective MOH, and it’s okay if it’s a lot because that’s what she is here for!
2. Ready, Set, Choose That Matron of Honor!
The MOH is like the chief warrior leading the troops into battle. She is the principle Bridesmaid, in charge of wrangling all of the others when sh*t hits the fan. She is going to be glued to your hip for the next couple of months, investing and planning for this wedding and it greatly helps if your MOH is organized, creative and crafty.
Whether you chose a friend who feels like a sibling or a sibling who doubles as a best friend, at the end of the day, only you know who is going to be the best option for your wedding needs. Just trust your instincts, and go with your gut.
Communication is Key
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An open and honest relationship is the glue that will hold this friendship together. And with that being said, ALWAYS ask and never assume who is going to be your Matron of Honor and fill the roles for the rest of the bridal party.
Even for you lucky ducks whose MOH choice might seem painstakingly obvious, it is still courteous (not to mention cute) to figure out a creative and artsy way to ask your babes to be part of your bridal party.
Always remember to consider family when making these sorts of decisions, because although it IS your day, excluding the occasional family member can truly disrupt the peace. Sometimes it’s just best to let everyone take part in helping to make it perfect. Chances are this day is going to be special for a lot of other people too.
Personally, I’m going to have two MOH’s because two is better than one, duh! Just kidding, I’m actually going to have both my sister and best friend co-maid the title because I want to share these special planning moments with both lovely ladies. They each hold a special place in my heart, have different strengths that play off one another and will have an absolute blast doing it together.
There are no rules to this love game. You can have co-maids (like myself), you can have a maid and matron or you can even have a Man of Honor! The options are endless and as long as you end up happy, no one cares which one you chose.
Buckle Up for the Long Haul
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Through thick and thin, your MOH is about to witness some of your worst Bridezilla moments. She is going to do her best to navigate the stormy pre-wedding waters so that your big day can be just as flawless as you are.
Remember, making this decision shouldn’t be the hard part, it’s about all of the decisions that have to be made after this one that needs to be fretted and fussed about. If it’s looking like it’s going to be too much drama, then screw it, no Matron of Honor!
There’s no diplomacy regarding marriage planning rules because ultimately this day is about you and your boo having the time of your lives
In the end, it’s all about which loved one you want standing closest to you during your big moment. So take a deep breath, grab your best friend and smile.
It’s about to be a hell of a ride.